The Wisdom of Solomon

One thing I have always sought: wisdom. What an amazing gift to have.

I seek God in major decisions and I try to remain sensitive to His direction.

Because of Him, the people who He has placed in my life, and the opportunities He has provided, I know that I will one day teach.

It’s difficult understanding everything, though. I thought I understood an affirmation but now I wonder if it was just me. The paths don’t make sense.

I’m more inclined to believe what the affirmation is true and the confusion is from the evil one.

My Father is a God of order, not of chaos. He directs my paths and leads me straight. It’s human nature that interferes with His plans.

I don’t know what in particular to hope or pray for besides the gift of discernment for me and others involved, from our Father.

God, give us discernment and peace. Thank you for doing and for equipping us to do.

J. Wew

Affirmation

I love affirmation. I’ve experienced it twice in three months now.

The first affirmation was when I was asked to guest speak at a university introducing and covering the very basics on Adobe InDesign. I had less than a week to prepare a plan. When I taught it, timing worked out very well. 25 minutes to teach and 25 minutes to work in class. After everything was said and done, I got some great feed back from the supervisor and students. From that moment I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will one day teach in a university setting, not only educating students about the tools, but also the fundamentals and importance of graphic design.

The second affirmation was today when I was on the phone with a friend. What I want to do and am doing it right. This is where I’m supposed to be and this is what I’m supposed to focus on. I’m done listening to people give their opinions on the matter. I know what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m not going to be pushed or pulled anymore and I don’t need to give satisfying answers to those who want to know why I’m not looking elsewhere. And for that, I’m thrilled.

God provides affirmation and correction when we need it the most. It’s in those critical moments that God breaks through.

If not for anything else, today has been fantastic because of that one phone call.

J. Wew

Thankful and Blessed Nonetheless

I do want to make one thing clear for anyone and everyone, stranger or friend who reads this: I am extremely thankful and blessed for the people who are in my life. I’m not ungrateful or resentful towards anyone who cares enough to say something.

Everything said and done are with the best of intentions, I know. It should be my responsibility to ask those people to pray for me, because that is one of the best and only things that can be done at times.

Out of my tiredness, it is not towards the family and adopted families I have. It is always out of the situation. Without the families I’m blessed with, I would be in a far worse place.

The body of Christ is important, and I’m never ungrateful for that. All who are in it are broken just as I am, but Christ covers our brokenness and sees us as His children. That’s what I see as well.

I am thankful and blessed.

J. Wew

Sigh

“You know what I long for, Lord; you hear my every sigh.” – Psalm 38:9

“God Will Lift Up Your Head” – Jars of Clay

Give to the wind your fears
Hope and be undismayed
God hears your sighs and counts your tears
God will lift up, God will lift up, lift up your head

God will lift up your head. He will lift up your head…

Leave to His sovereign sway
To choose and to command
Then shall we wandering on His way
Know how wise and how strong
How wise and how strong

God will lift up your head. How strong is His hand…

Through waves and clouds and storms, He gently clears the way
Wait because in His time, so shall this night
Soon end in joy, soon end in joy
Soon end in joy, soon end in joy

God will lift up your head. Soon end in joy…

You’re Doing It Wrong

This is the message I feel like I’m getting half the time. Yes, it might be out of concern or care, but for goodness sake I’m tired of feeling push and pulled in whatever direction or opinion.

I’m not a part of the status quo. I think differently than most. I process situations differently than other people do. Ask me how I’m doing? You’re probably going to get more of a straight answer than the casual “I’m good.” How are things going? They’re going. Good? Bad? Who’s to say, but I’m seeing it out.

My life is doing the best I can with all the information I have at this present time. Things are always changing, and perspectives can be adjusted. If you try to push or pull me, I’m more inclined to move slower because you’re only giving me more to process.

As creative as I am, I still have a very analytical mind and I need time.

I’m frustrated. I’m hurt and I don’t really know why. I know I’m not strong under my own strength. I lean on Him, but God I’m tired.

The valley is dark, the facade is breaking and I have no idea what to do about it.

I am broken and I never claimed to have it together.

This has so many tangents. One more thing done wrong.

I don’t have words. I have sighs.

J. Wew

You Reap What You Sow

Let me tell you, I have definitely been reaping. I totally learned my lesson.

The thing that bites: I would’ve totally learned my lesson just as well if the problems that were there were just pointed out to me.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m being punished for where I messed up. The only thing I see now is “Well, you did the same thing for 4 months. (Longer if you count the amount of time she was doing the exact same thing.)”

I get that my priorities were screwed up. I get that I should have tried harder. I get that this is how she felt.

I’m ready, willing, and able to put the necessary work into a situation. I only ask for the opportunity to do the work and to have the same amount of work reciprocated.

Is it too much to ask?

This is a frustration I’ve been dealing with for awhile. Constant regret. Yes, she had her areas that she didn’t want to deal with so that’s why she backed out, and that’s fine. I don’t need a quitter in my life. But I still look at what I could have done better.

None of the situations in the past year that have occurred after mid-January of last year match perfectly with the failed relationship, but there are definitely parallels. Work & relationship opportunities have all been like this.

I know what I’m capable of. I know the experiences I’ve had and haven’t had. I’m an open learner ready to catch onto whatever I need to know to complete the task at hand. I just want the opportunity to do so.

No more maybes or leads. I’m ready for something solid. I’m ready to grow and excel. I just need the chance and the willingness to work with me. Both parties would benefit.

J. Wew

Be Reckless

As much as I’d like to think I have things figured out, I don’t. As much as I’d like to settle with one opinion or idea, there’s always new information and more thinking to turn things around. In an attempt to always figure things out, the ironic thing is that I can become quite fickle. I suppose it’s good to be open-minded enough to not be set in the ways of everything, but at the same time it would feel nice to be comfortable with one solid thought and stick with it.

For one thing, I no longer have the exact same opinion as I did over a month ago in my post “Be Still My Heart.” Yes I think it’s important to not be reckless, no I don’t think it’s good to worry so much about guarding your heart that you shut others out of your life.

I occasionally read RELEVANT MAGAZINE and one of their articles “Why Guarding Your Heart Isn’t Enough got me thinking about my earlier post. I realized I very rarely follow what I wrote, for the fact that I always try to relate to people. In doing so, I already begin to invest my heart into them. I have no idea how they’ll end up reacting or treating me, but it’s the heart I have for others. (This goes beyond the romantic right now.)

“And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” – Mark 12:30, 31

I think sometimes we’re so focused on guarding our own heart we forget to take into account the heart of others. If we’re supposed to love those around us as we love ourselves, I do think we need to learn to be more open to others and relate with them. It’s when we relate we begin to empathize and connect.

“Do to others as you would like them to do to you.” – Luke 6:31

When involving yourself in any kind of relationship, there is always risk of getting hurt and hurting others. That sucks. But think of this, no matter what happens, God is there for us. Perhaps we need to trust Him with our heart. In fact, what we absolutely must do is make sure that we don’t forget about the relationship we need to have with God.

In closing, I want to be sure and express this: Yes, we must love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. That is the greatest commandment. However, the second commandment is equally important. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We are supposed to love God and love others. Period. If we guard our hearts so much that we fail to love others, we are only partially obeying the two most important commandments we’ve been given.

J. Wew

Thinking Out Loud

I’ve had a Twitter account for near 5 years coming this May. I didn’t use it very much until I attended college because I found it was a good way to stay in easy contact with friends at home. After so long, I’ve found that it’s real easy to “think out loud” on there. Most people who have used Twitter for any extended amount of time will have noticed this.

One popular response is “Vague tweet is vague.” Those who knowingly think out loud will even sometimes hashtag their tweet with “#vaguetweetisvague.” I myself have been known to do this. Which I’m not too terribly proud of because it can easily cross over into passive-aggressive tweeting hoping that a certain someone will see it. In my humble opinion, it’s just pathetic, sad, and makes it look like you don’t have the stones to talk about it in person. #stonesftw

On the flip side of the coin, we’ve become so used to social media and communicating with people through social media and texts that we’ve been losing the need to hang out with people in person. tangent/ I mean hey, if we see what everyone else is saying online, what do we have to talk about in person anymore? (Isn’t that sad?) /tangent I think some people begin to tweet out loud because they are looking for a sounding board. They just don’t know how to talk to one in person because it’s uncomfortable and shows vulnerability. I admit that I struggle with this.

Thanks in part to the internet and lack of me trying, I keep most of it in.

I guess I’m really blogging out loud right now. I suppose in this instance, it’s OK.

J. Wew

Smashing

I was in a wreck this evening after work. It was on SR-37 between 131st and 126th st. I came to a complete stop with the proper amount of space between me and the car in front. I then heard squealing tires behind me. I looked in my side mirror and saw the car wasn’t going to stop. I cut the wheel to the right in time when the impact occurred so that I only hit the rear passenger corner of the car in front of me. I coasted to the outside lane, off the road and stopped.

I sat there for a minute thinking through everything and rated the pain from my bumped head which was very little. I climbed out of the passenger side, spoke with the girl who was in the front of the sandwich and called 911. After taking pictures the police arrived and gathered all of our drivers and insurance information. I then waited in the car until my friend showed up. I received all of my papers and a police report and was told that I was allowed to leave and that my car would be towed to an auto body shop.

With all that happened, I am still thankful.

I am thankful that no one was seriously injured. I am thankful for a good friend to pick me up and who was willing to salvage the rest of the evening. I’m thankful for all the people who asked about my well-being. I am thankful that it didn’t feel like a very stressful situation. I am thankful for God’s peace. I am also thankful for dumb humor that can be taken from all of this.  See below:

Friend: Whoa, didn’t realize the wreck was that bad. Glad you’re ok. Be careful. I’ve heard of people having lots of pain the next day.

Me: Yeah, I’m bracing for the impact. http://www.instantrimshot.com

Friend: I guess for the other driver it was a . . . tough brake. YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH

Me: Thankfully I’m not too tired to enjoy that joke.

I am blessed with the people that surround me.

I’ll be glad when I can talk with the insurance guy in the morning. Being carless isn’t cool.

J. Wew

To Know

I like to know what I’m doing. I like to be prepared for a task. I like to be able to think and respond in proper ways. With a lot of problems, if I have enough background in the matter, I try to solve them. I try to do what’s right and what may sometimes be unexpected of someone in similar situations. When I don’t have the right response, I feel thrown off-balance and like I have a lack of control and comfort in a situation.

There were two instances of that tonight. I’m beginning to feel like I’m in unfamiliar territory. I either lack experience or the right words. I begin to rethink my reactions to the situations, wondering what could have been said or done differently. The left side of my brain has a field day while the right side is trying keep the big picture in mind.

What a mess. Thank God for new days.

J. Wew