Be Still My Heart

I’m sure everyone has heard that saying before. My question is: has anyone ever meant it?

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. – Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)

A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls. – Proverbs 25:28 (NLT)

For in him we live and move and exist. As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’ – Acts 17:28 (NLT)

As exciting as it is when we meet someone of interest, and even get to know that someone better, I believe it is very important to take things slowly so that we may be sure to guard our heart as well as practice self-control. As we do this, we continue to leave room for God to minister to us in the midst of everything. Otherwise we are left defenseless and open to attacks from the enemy. When the enemy is given a foot hold, it’s much easier for him to work a mess into our life and break down what has been built up.

Trust me, from experience, it’s not a fun situation. It’s a humbling situation and one that can be avoided if one continues to seek God first and live out His Word and promises. We must make Him a part of our existence. He must be a part of our everyday living.

Next time you meet someone of interest, be sure to guard your heart. Get to know the person well before even moving into a relationship. If/when you are in the relationship, continue to guard your heart and practice self-control. Keep God at the center of your relationship. If the relationship doesn’t work through to marriage, you can still know that it was God honoring and was a positive experience for both.

J. Wew

Introversion

I have introverted personality. I’m shy, fairly reticent with people I’m not too close to, and my comfort comes into play at times. When I’m in a crowd of people for too long, I begin to feel overwhelmed and worn out. I have to be by myself and kind of “zone out” to get my energy back.

As accepting as I am to being an introvert, I try not to let it always control my social life. It’s easy to live self-centered and it’s something I try to fight, because I feel when it gets to the point of closing myself off from everyone else and letting many social interactions deter me from living life outside, there’s a problem. There’s more than just myself. God didn’t just make me, myself, and I. He made her, He made him, He made them, and He made you.

It’s not always bad to spend time on my own, (I have to recharge) and the Bible speaks on spending time alone with God. That’s great and important, but it’s always dangerous to let it get to an extreme. That’s why I’ve forced myself to get involved with my church more, and commit to weekly responsibilities. I go to church after parties. I make myself available to others. I of course take care of myself, but it’s always important to remember that my life isn’t all about me. It’s about others.

Pretty much the point I’m trying to make is: If you let human tendencies get in the way of sharing your life and the love of God with others, you’re missing out and so is everyone else. If you’re an extreme introvert, I encourage you to try living outside of yourself for others. You don’t have to do it all the time (heck, I didn’t attend a New Years party I was invited to), but do try to make an effort in the social world. You might be surprised how fulfilling it is.

J. Wew

A Realization

I’ve come to realize that I haven’t been moving forward. I’ve grown a lot, yes but I have not moved forward in life. I used to live by taking chances in seeing what happens. If “the door” was open I would walk through and move forward. If it was closed, I would move on to whatever was next. It felt like a trusted agreement with God.

The last time I used this thinking was two years ago when I was preparing to propose to my ex. I prayed that God would either keep this door open if I was move forward in this, or close it by throwing any and all road blocks and door locks in front of me. He didn’t. In fact, I got more than what I asked for when it came to the door being open. In the end, everything went to pot. My ex left me, I continued to fight for her out of commitment, and in the end I was left alone feeling betrayed and let down.

That was the last time that I can remember seeing doors of opportunity and had the willingness to walk through them with faith. The past year, I have been living my life seeing doors of opportunity but no walking towards any of them. I’ve continued to wait on God’s nudges so that I may make the correct decision; the safe decision. Why? Because it’s safe. I can’t get hurt and neither can anyone else. I’ve looked at opportunities from a distance. I’ve contemplated them. I’ve analyzed them. I’ve tried to think about how they might affect my future. I’ve done everything but act because I want to wait on a clear answer from God. A beam of light. A tiny voice. I’ve only had enough faith to wait until I hear something concrete.

What kind of faith is that? It’s like Peter waiting for the land to rise so that He could walk towards Jesus. Did he do that? No. He got out of the boat and walked on water. It was only while he was out there that his faith wavered. When Jesus caught Peter’s hand he said “You have so little faith, why did you doubt me?” (Matthew 14:31 NLT) I walked out into that engagement with faith that everything would be fine. When everything turned upside down, that’s when the waves came up and I began to sink. I lost that faith to move forward in risk. I only wanted to move forward with guaranteed assurance that I could see before even taking a step.

Last night I was talking with my friend Mary Sue and something was said of “It can’t get any worse.” When I heard that I paused and said “Well, it might not be able to get worse, but it could get just as bad.” At first, it sounds like a negative pessimistic statement. Mary Sue said that it was “soul crushing.” But thank God there’s more to it than that. I began to verbally reflect on the Bible and the persecutions that Christ’s followers suffered in their life because they followed Him.

Bad things happen. We live in a broken world filled with pain, sin, and disease. We get hurt, we get sick, we die. If it wasn’t for the hope of Christ, what would we have to live for? God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them. (Romans 8:28 NLT) That is the hope we have. That is the faith we have. As bad things happen, God will turn it all around for the good. So it’s not wrong to expect trials. It’s not pessimism. It’s Biblical.

Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. 1 Peter 4:12 (NLT)

In conclusion, bad things will happen. We shouldn’t let bad situations determine how we react in our faith. You think I would have learned that by now with the trials I and my family have gone through over the years. Yet here is God, still teaching me. Yes, it was a sad heart breaking situation a year ago. But now I realize that it wasn’t because I was not listening. It was because the world is a broken place. But God has used this as one more trial to teach me something: No matter what happens, good or bad, God will work it all out for my good. He knows my heart and He knows what’s to come.

Great things are going to happen. Things are already in motion.

J. Wew

Looking for Permission

I’ve become so cautious in decision-making, I almost always look for “permission.” Usually this is with a sounding board. I try to get information and opinions. I try to find people who have been through similar situations to see how they came to their decision. I always try to research and do as much as I can before going through with a decision. If I feel the slightest bit unsure, I usually just ignore as I feel like it doesn’t feel right.

This time around, I feel drawn in a direction or three. I really don’t know what to do. It’s kind of a mess in my mind, so I feel like I should stay where I’m at and let everything pass. At the same time though, these are potential opportunities. I was really close to just saying “What the heck?” but I feel like there’s just something making me hold on. For dear life maybe.

This is what I get for being over analytical. I observe other people who act with little thinking, and things just blow up. Other times, things actually work out in a pleasing way and I wonder why I couldn’t have just gone for it.

I’ve ended up coming to the idea that you can only think about things for so long, but after a while you probably still only know as much as the person who thought a little and acted. Sure, that isn’t always the case but this time… This time it seems like that’s what it is.

I know just as much now I as I knew then. So what am I going to do about it? (Stop asking questions and just deal with it.)

J. Wew

Car Shopping

So, I realize that car shopping wears me out. Well, probably any large money purchase wears me out. This is just the first one that I’m doing on my own. Payment is doable but I’m not getting near as much out of my current vehicle as what I hoped. I now need to make some phone calls tomorrow morning and see what the cost of insurance would be as well as what an extended warranty would be from someplace. I know I can make the payment, but there are still other lovely factors.

*sigh*

As nice as it would be to have a newer vehicle, I don’t know if I feel comfortable going through with this. Usually when I feel like this, I back off and just wait for something else to come up. Right now though, I’m not sure if it’s wisdom or just the idea of committing to another payment is freaking me out enough to just step away. So many factors…

J. Wew

Driving a Stick

So my friend Josh offered to teach my how to drive a stick because it looks like I’m test driving a stick tomorrow. He taught me tonight and ohmygoodness, learning it stressed me out. I know people who drive stick pretty much swear by it, but is this really supposed to be natural? Driving a manual transmission and not even having a second thought? You “feel” the shift? It all sounds pretty “The Forcey.”

At least when it comes to starting. Once I’m going, it kind of feels like magic. The smooth transition between gears. Going from 3rd to 5th and completely ignoring 4th. Popping it into neutral and just coasting to a stop. Yeah, all of that feels kind of awesome.

However, I still feel fairly unsure about tomorrow. Sitting in the car with the salesperson; waiting for me to put it into drive; wondering “Why the heck is he accelerating so sl- darn it he killed the engine.”

Maybe I’ll just be a “no-show.” Nope, I have to do this.

J. Wew

P.S. Thank you very much Josh for taking the time and having the patience in teaching me. You have no idea how appreciative I am. :)

New(ish) Car Smell

So I unintentionally started car shopping tonight. My current vehicle is over 13 years old and is in need of some repairs. I’m thinking that it would be better to just get something new as this vehicle I would only continue throwing money into. I started checking out this dealership near my work and they have a vehicle for a pretty decent price. They also have a deal going on where supposedly I would get $4,000 for my vehicle. For all I know though, it’s only so they can get me into the door.

However, tonight alone I’ve started a crash course on what looks like a good deal and why it’s a good deal. The only thing I have an issue with is the available cash. I really rather not get financing on the car, but at the same time, I kind of need a newer car before my current gas guzzling vehicle has a major issue. There are some areas where I can make some extra cash, but nothing too much of significance. I’m hoping an opportunity or two will present itself where I could make up for some extra cash or even save some more cash.

Which reminds me, I need to write some invoices…

J. Wew

Starting the Year Off with a Bang

Hi, I’m 24 years old and I learned how to sew a button onto a shirt.

Yeah, it was something I never learned until now. I had mom before. It amazes me how I haven’t had any missing buttons for the past 5 years or else I would’ve learned a lot sooner.

Anywho, there you go. 1st accomplishment of the year. I wonder what I’ll accomplish tomorrow?

J. Wew

2011 in Review

I’m not quite sure what to think of 2011. I can definitely say it’s been tiring. A lot has happened and progress has been made, but at the same time there has been a lot of weight resting on the shoulders.

The obvious and probably the largest weight was what occurred not too long after 2011 started. It was the beginning of what was supposed to my last and best semester of college. Instead, I was cut down and experienced a break in my foundation. The final semester was a lot of work and a struggle to get through. I had to carry on without the support I grew accustomed to.

Graduation came and I left the college world behind in pursuit of a career. I did what I could to get by as I hoped for something to work out, thinking that I may just end up freelancing for a good while. Thankfully a job found me via Twitter and that is where I am working now. It started out contract and has turned into salary.

Shortly after I got my job I got an apartment so that I could live closer to where I was working and where I was attending church. I was living on the north side of the city, where I planned to live years ago. It was the first time I ever lived on my own. I do enjoy it. It’s quiet and I have the time to think and work in peace. It also turned what was a 45 minute drive to what is now a 10 minute drive to work.

After I graduated I began to attend a new church that I have loved going to for months now. I’ve gotten to know the people there and they have gotten to know me. I do love it there and I feel privileged to be a part of such a new and young church.

I went to five different weddings this year with only one being a short distance away. One was close to out of state, two were in Ohio and one in New York. I’ve done a lot of driving this year showing my support for my friends. Every single time being reminded of what a marriage is supposed to be and what didn’t happen for me this year.

I’m not really disappointed that I’m not married. I’m glad it’s not with someone who would fail to stay committed. I now am waiting and/or searching for the right one but not making it my number one priority as I feel right now I’m supposed to bide my time and carry on with the day to day and investing into others.

I’m sitting alone tonight in my apartment writing this because I don’t feel as though I want to spend this New Years Eve in a crowd of people, even though I was invited. I would have much rather spent it with those who I’m close to, but I’m not because there is either tensions between certain people that I wish not to be around. Others are occupied with others and that’s fine too. I’m not writing this for sake of pity. It’s just better to be reflective in private than reflecting in a crowd disconnected from everyone.

It’s the closing of a year and the birth of a new. I can say it literally is ending with a few tears but only for the tiredness that has been experienced.

This year I’ve learned what unexplainable peace is. I’ve learned that I can wait for nudges and act on them, or take the time when there are none to act on what I want out of faith. I’ve learned that there is better out there. I’ve seen complex beauty where I used to only appreciate the simple and clean.

I am ready for something new. It’s time to take charge and no longer let situations push me a long. It’s time to expand my horizons. I wish to read more and see more. I wish to continue to grow in wisdom and strength. I wish to take the pain and hurt that I’ve experienced over the years and use it in supporting others who now suffer.

It may seem ambitious and I could very well be trying to over expect something out of this new year, but it somewhat has to do with what I make of it. It’s time to stand strong and look forward to the unknown. It’s time to make opportunities. It’s time to live in the present and enjoy the every day. I will find something good in each day and not just live a “day-to-day” life.

Let’s get this new year started, shall we?

J. Wew

Dropped the Ball

Whelp, I let the busyness in the final week of NaBloPoMo throw me off and I failed to stick to the entire month. My apologies for dropping the ball. Not that I’m accountable to anyone on this, it’s still something I wanted to stick with. Thankfully, there’s next year.

Funny how this kind of ends with I started on: Words.

It’s interesting how we don’t think on the trivial things. We may say with all good intentions that we’ll do something, but when we fail to do it, it’s still words that weren’t made good on. If we can keep even the smallest words, how can we be expected to keep the biggest ones?

I’ve dropped the ball many times in my life. I’ve let people down. I’m thankful for grace and forgiveness, but I don’t take it for granted.

I’ve committed to several things this month that have just added to the busyness of life. I have a lot of work to do to catch up with everything. This is what I paid for though. I made my bed, now I need to lie in it. It’s going to be a busy couple of weeks. A lot of them involve money so that’s a nice compensation; I just need to stay focused and stay diligent.

If you ever find yourself in the position of being let down in some manner, shape or form, trivial or not, remember that you’ve let down others as well. Intentionally or not, we’re going to let people down. Let’s give grace and forgiveness as we would want it. It may get to the point of even growing tired of it. Continue to forgive as we are forgiven.

J. Wew